we are platonic friends but I just can't help to think that if i ever have a wife, she would just be someone like you. I have no other ideas except the pure friendship between us because i know its impossible.. however i just can't help but have this strong feeling.. i really think that you are the best model example i ever wanted to have as a partner and i just hope that the next person who comes along in my life would be someone like you. that would be really good... but for now, I would just treasure our frenship and hope that it will keep going..

and so its really true that when one is down in love, his other side will be up, whichever side one can refer to.. recently i just experience this and i must say how true this is.. Anyway, I would keep working hard to realise my dreams and I'm a born fighter... Moreover, a man is at his most charming when he is working hard in pursuing his dreams..... =)

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

fallen sick this weekend. can't remember exactly when last i fall sick but this got to be one of the worst case scenerios.. i feel drowsy, headache, muscle ache, stomach pain.. seems like all the little problems cranked up in my body.. its been a while since such a thing happen and I happen to be quite fit actually.. but i guess the recent late nights i put in, my body had to pay the dues sometime.. i came to realise that I had worked myself to sickness!!!

there must be a stop. a balance. like yin and yang. boy and girl. but sometimes, i'm quite bad at telling myself to stop. to give in to the body distress signals.. but no, i'm too proud to give in and i just kept pressing on.. foolish perhaps, or maybe dumb..

i realise that I've been working my ass off for 4 years 4 months, without taking consecutive more than 3 days of rest, and less than perhaps 14 days of mc.. I have been bad to myself. sometimes, i just wish that i can give it all up and just let go, carry a bag and go wandering around the world..

but life doesn't work out this way. sadly u got to pay your dues first. whether you like it anot. all my life, i know i'm the type who cant stop, who cannot stop. i have to slog. but for how long? there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.. i wish there is a sign... a sign that i can acknowledge..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Ok its time to stop lying to myself and admit that i am poor with my personal finance issues.. just received my latest credit bill and i couldnt believe my eyes! i am so in red.. haiz. maybe its true that i must tighten my belt once more and stop the denial. ok, for that, i would still need to save a bit as my Vietnam trip is coming soon! Yeah!

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

I've just caught the latest episode of "3 dish 1 soup" and I can't get but comment that ladies who know how to cook look so attractive.. they say the way to a Man's heart is first thru' his stomach and how true that statement is.. upon seeing how the lady contestants wipe out those delicious looking dishes, i can't help but "add marks" to the report card. Too bad now the odds of finding a lady who knows how to cook a decent meal is lesser than striking toto,,, ermm.. maybe not so bad la. 4D sounds more appropriate?

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

I've always catch this show life transformers every monday on channel 8, 8pm.. this show is meaningful and made me realise i must be content with what i have.. often, we keep complaining on what we dun have but we fail to pause and reflect on what we already have, which is the most important.. the fast pace of life made us all forget about the simple things of life.. from this show, i learnt a lot.. there are countless many many others who are less fortunate than we are and yet, we almost always fail to be appreciative.... this show makes me just want to take a little step further and ponder.. all tks to channel 8 in making me realise simple is beauty..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i just realise... the 1st month of Y2010 is already ending even though i didnt really feel it has passed.. time is like a passage way, a one-way thing that i can never turn back.. but the good thing is, i never need to turn back.. these past 2 weeks made me realise something.. i need to make good of what i want.. i need to stop the rot. so heare i go.. would begin my plans tomor.. keeping my fingers crossed that it will work..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

recently, i have been unhappy about work.. its really unfair tat hardworking ppl and high achievers are not rewarded appropriately.. till now, I can still feel the unjust that is happening to me.. it makes me realise that all the efforts I've put in for the past year has gone to waste... its not worth to put in so much.. its not as easy as 1+1=2. so now i learn to take it easy... work come work go.. no point harping on it.. =) i have come to my senses..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

have u ever faced situations like you know you did not do anything wrong but somehow you dunno why ppl start to treat you coldly.. i'm facing this now.. somehow somewhere sometime something went wrong... the worst part is, i dunno wats wrong.. this is the 'best' cos its like you are being given the death sentence without a chance to explain yourself.. if there is a god somewhere, i hope you can really enlighten me..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

yday, while i was doing window shopping.. i saw an old friend.. well she looked different.. she did not see me. i still rem the days when she did not really had any frenz in the co. i would approach her and bring her out for lunch.. those days.. well she looked pretty good now.. girls really need to maintain themselves bcos somehow, they aged faster than guys.. anyway, back to her. she used to be the girl i like.. and still is.. somehow when i saw her, the feelings rekindled.. well, maybe this time it will last for another few days.. then i would forget again.. this is just me.. wat to do? haha..

ok this has been one post which I've kept putting off for a long time. I was kept busy and distracted by many things.. by the goals i set for myself.. by the many 'what ifs' in life.. some things I achieved, some things i did not.. well life ain't perfect.. I learnt a lot this year..

Lesson No. 1: Perfectionist
Yes I am a perfectionist. A 100%. However, this is also what I believe has been holding me back. In terms of career, I have learnt that you do not always get 100% of what you want even if you put in 100%. Next year, I will learn to slow down. I try to be kind to myself.

Lesson No. 2: Relationship
Yes, I achieved the goal i set for myself for Y2009. Be it a short one, yes I achieved. And I realised that I learnt and understand more about myself now. I always tot only myself understand me most. How wrong I can me. I really miscalculate on this part. Nevertheless, I now have a better idea. I am not ready yet. My priority is not this. At least for now.

Lesson No. 3: Money
Yes, I hate to admit it but I have to. I'm poor in managing $. Many times, I think I'm too obliging. I must learn to say NO. A great leader will know when and will say NO. Its hard for me but I'll try. There's nothing I can't do unless myself don't want to.

And so here I go. The 3 important lessons I learnt in Y2009. A proper closure I will say. Next year, 2010, it will be better.

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

my emotions were like a roller coaster ride.. time passes me by like it never exists for this 1 week.. perhaps i'm too caught up with so many tasks that i've forgotten time.. time is relative i guess.. ok here are some of the memorable events that happened during the week..

Cynthia's wedding
--------------------
ok that's it.. i attended her wedding.. there was a period of like 2 months whereby we spent our most happiest time together.. it was like we are inseparable.. doing things together, shopping, eating, karaok, chat.. we are like sticky glue.. for a moment, i thought there is a spark between us.. the chemistry.. i know she felt it too.. she knew it.. however just at that moment, we were too headstrong.. u denied it pretending nothing happening.. its my fault too.. i never try hard enuff.. i tot things will go my way.. how wrong i thought... i've been making so many error calls recently and somehow it wasnt me.. i wasnt like tat.. anyway, seeing her happily married, i wished she had found true happiness and i wished her sincerely nothing but the best... all that remains are the fond memories but it is enough for me..

Company event: Cross Country Run at MacRitchie Reservoir
--------------------------------------------------------------
Recently i think i've been taking part in so many events whereby i lost count.. its squeezing out every bit of possible time from me.. i think if i switch to managing events job, i can be quite successful too.. lolz.. okay anyway this morning, i woke up at 6am to drive all the way to macRitchie.. i was the leader of the marshal team and some irresponsible people fly me plane and so instead of marshalling, i have to run 5km to jaga all the check points.. kaoz.. luckily, i still can run due to my regular training.. but i know my body is getting old.. i'm no longer the young ns boy who can recover from fatigue easily.. my knees and ankle have been giving me a lot of problems recently.. its hard to admit that I'm not young anymore.. lolz.. anyway, its kinda of fun and believe it or not, its my first time at macRitchie and I kinda like the place.. got Sharon to walk with me throughout so still not bad la.. she is tat kind of lady who craves for attention and care from a man but just too headstrong to admit this fact.. anyway, like the true gentleman i've always been, i did pampered her a bit la.. fanning her and carrying her heavy bag.. hope this makes her less complaining la.. lolz..

ok so far this week is a breeze as in time passes rapidly.. but cant everyweek like tat else i will die.. lolz..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i felt compelled to write this post.. a lot of times, people misunderstood me.. they think that i always want to win, to be number one whereby they just want to have fun.. yes i admit.. i have an incredible will to win.. i mean really those insantiable appettide to win.. i just hate the feeling of losing.. i'm ultra competitive in whatever i do.. perhaps thats what make me different from most people.. to my notice, i realise that the people around me dun share this trait.. it seems that I'm unique and the only one who thinks this way.. when i made a comment, I have nothing personal against the individual.. i just want to win.. simple as that.. i feel let down by people who dun try hard enough like me to win.... To me, winning is the most important, nothing matters... i do realise that sometimes in order to win, you must experience losing... to me, that is crap..

i hope i am not being too hard on myself though..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

we were bbq-ing at east coast on a fri nite.. i was so worried that it would rain bcos it has been raining for a full day.. luckily it stopped in the evening.. to be honest, i was honored to be invited to the BBQ bcos i was the only non-upser.. lolz.. the guys still remember me lei.. it feels great to be belonged to the group.. these are all great ppl.. the great colleagues whom i shared 2 and a half years with.. anyway, i met up with Aru too. one of the nicest guys i met in UPS.. always giving me thoughtful advice and the fact that we are fellow man u fans makes us click even more...

the nite started quite well, with me and elston starting the fire.. actually got 2 memorable incidents happened that nite.. the first happened when me and cindy and the gang went to nearby macdonalds to wash our hands and toilet break of course.. while we are walking along the track, a dumbo skater was skating with his back.. he thinks he is a pro but obviously hes not.. anyway, when he was about to knock into cindy, as usual she is always too slow to react la...:p, i pulled her to my side.. it was like a hug like tat.. haha.. i think she got a shock.. lolz.. like those drama like tat whereby the scriptwriter would always arrange for the male lead to hold the female lead away from the accident.. well that exactly happened! she was speechless for abt 1 min before she muttered thank you.. 2 times.. hahaha.. i think she too pai sei la..

ok the 2nd incident is when theres a upser Ying Ying who actually dunno belina (i stop calling her zeh for sometime).. anyway so when Bel began to intro herself to her, bel asked whether she met her before in UPS.. Ying Ying gave a stunning reply that got the atmosphere cold.. lolz.. "oh ya, every morning, you always come with Richard de right..." it got all of us shocked including myself cos i never expected people to take notice of us.. actually most mornings when i still dun owe the car, i would call Bel to come and fetch me in the morning.. lolz.. well Bel sort of like stunned and i looked away.. ok it was awakward and luckily, someone changed topic quickly.. well this really brought back the memories.. but i know, its really a long shot that Bel and I can be together.. i guess, I'm just not her type anymore.. nevertheless, I would take things natural.. I think the more you care, the more you got to lose.. maybe acting a bit bochup sometimes will help.. i guess...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

here i am, on leave at home, listening to the heavy rainpour outside and typing this post.. my boss spoke about Negativity. Its a big word.. Negativity spreads, it inhibits one from performing.. its like a disease and so if u ever meet someone who is always negative, avoid him/her. u would not want to be infected and affected.. i am quite an optimistic person per sae.. i trust my gut feelings alot and always work based on my instincts and believe the outcome would be positive.. i guess i am a positive person.. but recently my doubts are shaken.. as i mentioned in my earlier posts, i found that things are not really working smoothly for me.. perhaps to some people, i should be contend with my achievements so far.. but i'm a perfectionist and it kills me.. i'm a control freak and it kills me.. these are all negative thoughts and if I dont purge them out soon........ i really dont know.. answers answers answers.. in need of some now..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

chanced upon a song which i really like during like my primary school days... its sung by someone who is better than acting than singing.. anyway, those days, CDs still not so in yet.. so everything is still in those old casette tapes, which gets mouldy aftertime.. anyway here goes, i still remember recording this song in the tape and sang along with it:

看着你慢慢地走过身旁
眼神中透露着一丝感伤
当天色渐亮却泪眼相望
我的错无可原谅
我和你走过的每个地方
都变成捆绑我记忆的墙
我无法抵挡也无处躲藏
这幕戏如何收场
我穿穿穿穿透了思念情网
却找不到地久天长
对我说的谎总和别人一样
谁欠谁还如何计算
我看看看看透了你说的谎
却斩不断情丝纠缠
该如何才能让爱找到方向
就算受伤也不会再迷惘

feel....

this week's theme for me is feel...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

my first company karaoke competition and I'm not a singer this time.. but a host! this is my first gig as host! feeling excited and nervous.. luckily, the management decided to pair me up with Catherine.. haha calm my nerves abit as I have a partner.. Catherine did most of the hardwork actually, typing out the script while i just gave my comments. but hey they were constructive ok.. the event was held at Cinelesiure.. i was really surprised to see so many supporters.. our people really come out in full force sia.. haha. somehow, i was surprised that I dun feel nervous at all, but rather Catherine was a bundle of nerves.. haha.. keep asking me whether i got memorised anot.. lolz. but anyway, she looked gorgeous in that little cute black dress she is wearing.. somehow i felt a bit guilty cos i promised her i would dress in something to "pei he".. but in the end, i choose to wear my denmin overalls.. the classic levis jacket and levis jeans.. i felt like a levis spokesperson whole day lor.. luckily, people say i looked shuai.. haha.. i am not too bad myself la.. ok here goes the show.

we have a total of 19 contestants.. so we have 19 songs to introduce to the audience.. the atmosphere is brillant and the crowd is rather 'high'.. all the contestants sang their hearts out and gave a really good performance.. Surprisingly, Catherine and me complement each other well..we kinda have that "mo qi".. ok finally the show ended.. phew.. and the winner is a guy who sang a hokkien song.. for me thats quite unexpected.. lolz.. not say he sing no good but i never expected hokkien song to be the winner.. haha...

well i've never expected hosting can be such a tiring affair.. this is indeed a good experience and i'm blessed to have a wonderful partner by my side.. thanks Catherine.. Later on we have the whole ballroom to ourselves.. we belted a few songs and my colleagues wanted me to participate me next year and say i'm a hidden talent.... hahaha.. maybe.. I'm looking forward to next year already... =)

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i know i've not blogged for sometime.. its not bcos i'm lazy.. well partly yes but thats not the main reason.. recently just got bogged down by a lot of things.. worry about a lot of things.. its quite unlike me.. in the past, i used to be quite bochup.. but now as i grow older, i've been really thinking.. i've laid down a few plans and I hope to fulfill it next year.. i hope that i can succeed.

ok.. why I'm feeling lost? I also dunno, if i know i wont be lost rite.. its such a stupid question to ask..haha.. its just that I put in effort in doing things which I hope would bear fruit, and so many times it just fails me.. dun they always say if you put in enough effort, fate will find its way.. well how much is 'enough' i wonder.. it seems that i have defy logic about working hard and putting in effort.. wat an irony.. lolz.

from now on, i've made a pact to myself. i would never ever call you sister again.. cos i dun want to be just your brother...i want to be someone else, somebody else.. u once told me b4 that you find it hard to accept someone younger than you.. i sense that its not bcos you dun feel abt me. its bcos to you, age is a barrier. why is it a barrier to you i dun understand.. i wish i could understand but i just cant.

but i will try hard.. i know u will know how i feel one day.. i truly know...

Richieosuly Yours,
Richard.

i've been listening to this song dunno for how many times.. i first heard it from the TW Drama "Ai".. i think more than half of the Singapore population is watching this drama faithfully now every weekends.. i dunno what attracts me to keep listening but i just cant stop it..it just stirs the emotions in me..

haiz.. i dun understand y a simple matter is so hard to understand.. must we make things so complicated.. dun understand and dunno why...

why must u think of all these?? cant it be so simple.. i just wish things could be simple..........

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

recently i've been thinking to myself.. am i married to my work? i've being consistently putting in 8hrs a day in my work for almost everyday that its eating into my personal life.. i just cant seem to control myself.. i am a control freak.. if there is something to be completed on the actual day, i will do it and if i cant complete it, it makes a total wreck out of me... i told myself i got to take things easy.. its always my aspiration to climb the corp ladder but sometimes when you look back and down, a lot of things more precious r left neglected.. recently i'm thinking that i've been forgoing quite a few things that i forgot the simple pleasures in life..

this is not going to happen anymore... life is all about balance, the yin and yang.. i want to work towards that...






Richieously Yours,
Richard.