have u ever faced situations like you know you did not do anything wrong but somehow you dunno why ppl start to treat you coldly.. i'm facing this now.. somehow somewhere sometime something went wrong... the worst part is, i dunno wats wrong.. this is the 'best' cos its like you are being given the death sentence without a chance to explain yourself.. if there is a god somewhere, i hope you can really enlighten me..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

yday, while i was doing window shopping.. i saw an old friend.. well she looked different.. she did not see me. i still rem the days when she did not really had any frenz in the co. i would approach her and bring her out for lunch.. those days.. well she looked pretty good now.. girls really need to maintain themselves bcos somehow, they aged faster than guys.. anyway, back to her. she used to be the girl i like.. and still is.. somehow when i saw her, the feelings rekindled.. well, maybe this time it will last for another few days.. then i would forget again.. this is just me.. wat to do? haha..

ok this has been one post which I've kept putting off for a long time. I was kept busy and distracted by many things.. by the goals i set for myself.. by the many 'what ifs' in life.. some things I achieved, some things i did not.. well life ain't perfect.. I learnt a lot this year..

Lesson No. 1: Perfectionist
Yes I am a perfectionist. A 100%. However, this is also what I believe has been holding me back. In terms of career, I have learnt that you do not always get 100% of what you want even if you put in 100%. Next year, I will learn to slow down. I try to be kind to myself.

Lesson No. 2: Relationship
Yes, I achieved the goal i set for myself for Y2009. Be it a short one, yes I achieved. And I realised that I learnt and understand more about myself now. I always tot only myself understand me most. How wrong I can me. I really miscalculate on this part. Nevertheless, I now have a better idea. I am not ready yet. My priority is not this. At least for now.

Lesson No. 3: Money
Yes, I hate to admit it but I have to. I'm poor in managing $. Many times, I think I'm too obliging. I must learn to say NO. A great leader will know when and will say NO. Its hard for me but I'll try. There's nothing I can't do unless myself don't want to.

And so here I go. The 3 important lessons I learnt in Y2009. A proper closure I will say. Next year, 2010, it will be better.

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

my emotions were like a roller coaster ride.. time passes me by like it never exists for this 1 week.. perhaps i'm too caught up with so many tasks that i've forgotten time.. time is relative i guess.. ok here are some of the memorable events that happened during the week..

Cynthia's wedding
--------------------
ok that's it.. i attended her wedding.. there was a period of like 2 months whereby we spent our most happiest time together.. it was like we are inseparable.. doing things together, shopping, eating, karaok, chat.. we are like sticky glue.. for a moment, i thought there is a spark between us.. the chemistry.. i know she felt it too.. she knew it.. however just at that moment, we were too headstrong.. u denied it pretending nothing happening.. its my fault too.. i never try hard enuff.. i tot things will go my way.. how wrong i thought... i've been making so many error calls recently and somehow it wasnt me.. i wasnt like tat.. anyway, seeing her happily married, i wished she had found true happiness and i wished her sincerely nothing but the best... all that remains are the fond memories but it is enough for me..

Company event: Cross Country Run at MacRitchie Reservoir
--------------------------------------------------------------
Recently i think i've been taking part in so many events whereby i lost count.. its squeezing out every bit of possible time from me.. i think if i switch to managing events job, i can be quite successful too.. lolz.. okay anyway this morning, i woke up at 6am to drive all the way to macRitchie.. i was the leader of the marshal team and some irresponsible people fly me plane and so instead of marshalling, i have to run 5km to jaga all the check points.. kaoz.. luckily, i still can run due to my regular training.. but i know my body is getting old.. i'm no longer the young ns boy who can recover from fatigue easily.. my knees and ankle have been giving me a lot of problems recently.. its hard to admit that I'm not young anymore.. lolz.. anyway, its kinda of fun and believe it or not, its my first time at macRitchie and I kinda like the place.. got Sharon to walk with me throughout so still not bad la.. she is tat kind of lady who craves for attention and care from a man but just too headstrong to admit this fact.. anyway, like the true gentleman i've always been, i did pampered her a bit la.. fanning her and carrying her heavy bag.. hope this makes her less complaining la.. lolz..

ok so far this week is a breeze as in time passes rapidly.. but cant everyweek like tat else i will die.. lolz..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i felt compelled to write this post.. a lot of times, people misunderstood me.. they think that i always want to win, to be number one whereby they just want to have fun.. yes i admit.. i have an incredible will to win.. i mean really those insantiable appettide to win.. i just hate the feeling of losing.. i'm ultra competitive in whatever i do.. perhaps thats what make me different from most people.. to my notice, i realise that the people around me dun share this trait.. it seems that I'm unique and the only one who thinks this way.. when i made a comment, I have nothing personal against the individual.. i just want to win.. simple as that.. i feel let down by people who dun try hard enough like me to win.... To me, winning is the most important, nothing matters... i do realise that sometimes in order to win, you must experience losing... to me, that is crap..

i hope i am not being too hard on myself though..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

we were bbq-ing at east coast on a fri nite.. i was so worried that it would rain bcos it has been raining for a full day.. luckily it stopped in the evening.. to be honest, i was honored to be invited to the BBQ bcos i was the only non-upser.. lolz.. the guys still remember me lei.. it feels great to be belonged to the group.. these are all great ppl.. the great colleagues whom i shared 2 and a half years with.. anyway, i met up with Aru too. one of the nicest guys i met in UPS.. always giving me thoughtful advice and the fact that we are fellow man u fans makes us click even more...

the nite started quite well, with me and elston starting the fire.. actually got 2 memorable incidents happened that nite.. the first happened when me and cindy and the gang went to nearby macdonalds to wash our hands and toilet break of course.. while we are walking along the track, a dumbo skater was skating with his back.. he thinks he is a pro but obviously hes not.. anyway, when he was about to knock into cindy, as usual she is always too slow to react la...:p, i pulled her to my side.. it was like a hug like tat.. haha.. i think she got a shock.. lolz.. like those drama like tat whereby the scriptwriter would always arrange for the male lead to hold the female lead away from the accident.. well that exactly happened! she was speechless for abt 1 min before she muttered thank you.. 2 times.. hahaha.. i think she too pai sei la..

ok the 2nd incident is when theres a upser Ying Ying who actually dunno belina (i stop calling her zeh for sometime).. anyway so when Bel began to intro herself to her, bel asked whether she met her before in UPS.. Ying Ying gave a stunning reply that got the atmosphere cold.. lolz.. "oh ya, every morning, you always come with Richard de right..." it got all of us shocked including myself cos i never expected people to take notice of us.. actually most mornings when i still dun owe the car, i would call Bel to come and fetch me in the morning.. lolz.. well Bel sort of like stunned and i looked away.. ok it was awakward and luckily, someone changed topic quickly.. well this really brought back the memories.. but i know, its really a long shot that Bel and I can be together.. i guess, I'm just not her type anymore.. nevertheless, I would take things natural.. I think the more you care, the more you got to lose.. maybe acting a bit bochup sometimes will help.. i guess...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

here i am, on leave at home, listening to the heavy rainpour outside and typing this post.. my boss spoke about Negativity. Its a big word.. Negativity spreads, it inhibits one from performing.. its like a disease and so if u ever meet someone who is always negative, avoid him/her. u would not want to be infected and affected.. i am quite an optimistic person per sae.. i trust my gut feelings alot and always work based on my instincts and believe the outcome would be positive.. i guess i am a positive person.. but recently my doubts are shaken.. as i mentioned in my earlier posts, i found that things are not really working smoothly for me.. perhaps to some people, i should be contend with my achievements so far.. but i'm a perfectionist and it kills me.. i'm a control freak and it kills me.. these are all negative thoughts and if I dont purge them out soon........ i really dont know.. answers answers answers.. in need of some now..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

chanced upon a song which i really like during like my primary school days... its sung by someone who is better than acting than singing.. anyway, those days, CDs still not so in yet.. so everything is still in those old casette tapes, which gets mouldy aftertime.. anyway here goes, i still remember recording this song in the tape and sang along with it:

看着你慢慢地走过身旁
眼神中透露着一丝感伤
当天色渐亮却泪眼相望
我的错无可原谅
我和你走过的每个地方
都变成捆绑我记忆的墙
我无法抵挡也无处躲藏
这幕戏如何收场
我穿穿穿穿透了思念情网
却找不到地久天长
对我说的谎总和别人一样
谁欠谁还如何计算
我看看看看透了你说的谎
却斩不断情丝纠缠
该如何才能让爱找到方向
就算受伤也不会再迷惘

feel....

this week's theme for me is feel...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

my first company karaoke competition and I'm not a singer this time.. but a host! this is my first gig as host! feeling excited and nervous.. luckily, the management decided to pair me up with Catherine.. haha calm my nerves abit as I have a partner.. Catherine did most of the hardwork actually, typing out the script while i just gave my comments. but hey they were constructive ok.. the event was held at Cinelesiure.. i was really surprised to see so many supporters.. our people really come out in full force sia.. haha. somehow, i was surprised that I dun feel nervous at all, but rather Catherine was a bundle of nerves.. haha.. keep asking me whether i got memorised anot.. lolz. but anyway, she looked gorgeous in that little cute black dress she is wearing.. somehow i felt a bit guilty cos i promised her i would dress in something to "pei he".. but in the end, i choose to wear my denmin overalls.. the classic levis jacket and levis jeans.. i felt like a levis spokesperson whole day lor.. luckily, people say i looked shuai.. haha.. i am not too bad myself la.. ok here goes the show.

we have a total of 19 contestants.. so we have 19 songs to introduce to the audience.. the atmosphere is brillant and the crowd is rather 'high'.. all the contestants sang their hearts out and gave a really good performance.. Surprisingly, Catherine and me complement each other well..we kinda have that "mo qi".. ok finally the show ended.. phew.. and the winner is a guy who sang a hokkien song.. for me thats quite unexpected.. lolz.. not say he sing no good but i never expected hokkien song to be the winner.. haha...

well i've never expected hosting can be such a tiring affair.. this is indeed a good experience and i'm blessed to have a wonderful partner by my side.. thanks Catherine.. Later on we have the whole ballroom to ourselves.. we belted a few songs and my colleagues wanted me to participate me next year and say i'm a hidden talent.... hahaha.. maybe.. I'm looking forward to next year already... =)

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i know i've not blogged for sometime.. its not bcos i'm lazy.. well partly yes but thats not the main reason.. recently just got bogged down by a lot of things.. worry about a lot of things.. its quite unlike me.. in the past, i used to be quite bochup.. but now as i grow older, i've been really thinking.. i've laid down a few plans and I hope to fulfill it next year.. i hope that i can succeed.

ok.. why I'm feeling lost? I also dunno, if i know i wont be lost rite.. its such a stupid question to ask..haha.. its just that I put in effort in doing things which I hope would bear fruit, and so many times it just fails me.. dun they always say if you put in enough effort, fate will find its way.. well how much is 'enough' i wonder.. it seems that i have defy logic about working hard and putting in effort.. wat an irony.. lolz.

from now on, i've made a pact to myself. i would never ever call you sister again.. cos i dun want to be just your brother...i want to be someone else, somebody else.. u once told me b4 that you find it hard to accept someone younger than you.. i sense that its not bcos you dun feel abt me. its bcos to you, age is a barrier. why is it a barrier to you i dun understand.. i wish i could understand but i just cant.

but i will try hard.. i know u will know how i feel one day.. i truly know...

Richieosuly Yours,
Richard.

i've been listening to this song dunno for how many times.. i first heard it from the TW Drama "Ai".. i think more than half of the Singapore population is watching this drama faithfully now every weekends.. i dunno what attracts me to keep listening but i just cant stop it..it just stirs the emotions in me..

haiz.. i dun understand y a simple matter is so hard to understand.. must we make things so complicated.. dun understand and dunno why...

why must u think of all these?? cant it be so simple.. i just wish things could be simple..........

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

recently i've been thinking to myself.. am i married to my work? i've being consistently putting in 8hrs a day in my work for almost everyday that its eating into my personal life.. i just cant seem to control myself.. i am a control freak.. if there is something to be completed on the actual day, i will do it and if i cant complete it, it makes a total wreck out of me... i told myself i got to take things easy.. its always my aspiration to climb the corp ladder but sometimes when you look back and down, a lot of things more precious r left neglected.. recently i'm thinking that i've been forgoing quite a few things that i forgot the simple pleasures in life..

this is not going to happen anymore... life is all about balance, the yin and yang.. i want to work towards that...






Richieously Yours,
Richard.

have u heard of the story of the penguins before.. penguins are actually quite romantic creatures.. at least in my view.. penguins are are devoted creatures. once they found their partner, the one, they would stick with the partner for life.. they would stay together in the cold, and start a family.. then they would lay the eggs.. the penguins would take turns to sit on the eggs to keep it warm, while one of them would take turns to go to the sea to hunt for food.. but what the other party dunno is there may be a chance that its partner would never return from the food trip... thats because there is a high possibility that the penguin would be eaten by sea lions and become the hunted.. if the penguin never return, its partner would wait forever in the cold and never give up..

I think this is really romantic.. but such acts are few and far in the modern world.. would you wait for the penguin...?





Richieously Yours,
Richard.

okay i have been lazy to blog recently because i 've been bogged down by my wisdom tooth surgery which I'm glad is finally over.. i knew this problem since last year but I have been deluding myself thinking that if i practice careful oral care, i would not have to undergo extraction of 4 teeth.. but nevertheless, the demons came back to haunt me.. until recently i have my regular dental checkup and my dentist told me that my back tooth is decaying, i knew this is it... so after undergoing surgery in a 2 week interval, and losing pints of blood (okay a bit exaggerating i know..), i finally got rid of the 4 stupid tooth thats causing me much misery..

i am now recuperating at home.. doing nothing.. doing nothing can be a bliss u know. to break free from work once in a while.. but i'll be back soon hopefully...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Chorus: cause i can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and i'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause i can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then i won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and i'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And i will give up this fight

Chorus: cause i can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and i'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't'cause i can't make you love me, if you don't

Bonnie Raitt

This song got me hooked up.. i think everyone should go listen it if got the chance..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

time flies, I left UPS for slightly longer than a year ago.. yet I've still managed to maintain close contact with my frenz there.. friendship is something that money cant buy, at least i choose to believe it this way.. it needs time to nurture. speaking of this, I'm quite disappointed with certain group of frenz who forgot this rule.. well i guess people move on, either in a right or left way..

i was thinking abt the days whereby life for me was a challenge everyday.. i have to juggle between studies and work.. there was never a doubt i cant handle it but i'm glad that i made it in the end.. i just cant but rem those days whereby i share with the gang.. although we have to constantly mug the notes and books, we do share times of happiness whereby we enjoy our little breaks of snacks and bo liao gossip. it was kinda of the good old days and i miss it a little. nevertheless, life moves on and these are just the little thoughts that add colors to my life..

Richieoulsy Yours,
Richard.

i just read an article in a magazine.. there are really 2 toys that a man would want in his life.. and that would be cars and watches.. its always like comparing who have the fiercest cars or biggest watches.. haha.. somehow i agree with this statement.. if its up to me, there are 2 things which i really like to own now...

Car: Nissan GTR aka Godzilla..
this is such a sexy car with a powerful engine that would definitely smoke all the wrxs and evos wannabes on the road..well it also costs a cool $250k.. lolz. dunno how long it would take for me to earn this obsecene amt of $ but i will work towards my dream.. i am such a sucker for cars.

Watch: Rolex Oyster Perpetual Date, "GMT Master 2" in Steel
okay i found this watch on the internet. i feel that every man should own at least 1 rolex.. its the da ge da of all watches.. of course i know there are alot more swiss brand watches which we never ever heard of and costs alot more.. but what the hell.. if no one hears of it, u wear one ppl would still think its a pasa malam watch.. so a rolex would fit just nice.. and the cost: a cool $7k.. and its second hand somemore lor.. kaoz.

ok work towards it ba..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

decided to name this post random.. thats bcos i feel like pouring watever i can think of in this post.. so let me think thru what i've done during the weekend..

Fri 19 jun 09
-------------
Well, i met my old UPS mates.. we went to one jap restaurant named Honjin in the CBD area.. to be frank, I'm so totally not familar with this steel jungle.. its like a different ball game for me.. so i spend some time going round in circles exploring the busiest part of singapore.. i must say the road design there really needs improvement.. its so unfriendly for drivers bcos almost all the roads are one-way.. WTH... ok back to the UPS mates.. met up with belina, isaac, cindy, Elston and Brandon.. so long never see these guys already.. the dinner is so-so la.. ala-carte jap buffet but the food is like not so fantastic.. somemore at the end then i realise per head costs us over $60 bucks.. i was like....... luckily, uob card got 1-for-1 but i still think not worth it lei...

after that, i suggested we go Mandarin Oriental to chill. there is this lounge area whereby we enjoy our tea and cocktail and some liveband music.. whereby the drink prices are nothing but murderous.. its just like paying for the atmosphere and music tats all.. i wouldnt recommend to anyone seeking something economical.. its like committing a sin spending this obscene amt of $$ on something so normal.. anyway, guess we enjoyed the music and sipping the tea and indugle myself sinfully on the durian moouse cake.. lolz..

after that, its like 1am liao.. we still went to marina square to play pool and arcade.. had a fun time teaching belina how to play pool.. hehe.. but i must say shes a fast learner.. i can see signs of potential.. i am not that good myself in pool la but to "bian chi bian he" i am still okay.. arcade was like we really have nothing to do then play lor.. its quite bo liao actually.. well fri nites can be such a bore cos in SG, theres really nothing much to do at nite except club and eat.. kaoz..

ok, ciaoz. thinking tmr is monday is giving me all the blues liao.....

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

ok.. i know i have been lazy updating my blog.. but for a good reason because i've been engulfed by work.. it is taking a huge part of my life and right now I'm trying to make things right and so to give myself more time.. ok back to this post's main topic!

i believe its really hard for 2 people with different ideas to work together.. if it happens.. is it time to move on? i dunno...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Ok.. this post has been long waited.. the reason why i blog for my own eyes to see its because i want to keep these memories and 1 day, i can just login to my very own site.. blogging is more dynamic than writing a diary, anyway who writes diary nowadays.. well some photos here of our clubbing nite.. only pick a few bcos the rest cannot be shown... hahaha... not suitable, R21 only.. hehe, just kidding..


Me and Clara jie jie, yes I am drunk already and she wants to kiss me.. of course la cos i helped her "ta" so many drinks that nite lor..


I really like this photo.. so classic lor.. its like taking a walk down memory lane and we are all pretending to act cute.. hehe.


all of us have a great time, although i think i'm the most drunk.. thats' the consequences to be the only guy among the ladies.. my destiny la...

Well time flies and you sisters shall always be my treasured frenz.. no matter wat... so long and see you gers in our next crazy nite.. hopefully it will be soon.. hehe..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Phew.. finally graduated from uni..those past 2 years were hell but you have to walk thru' hell to become stronger they say.. i must say I've done well and give myself a pat on my shoulder.. I've graduated with 2nd class upper honors.. nothing more i can ask for right.. heres some photos.. I'm still waiting for the photograph which i paid the studio $90 for.. it better turn out to be good...


With Clara and 2 of my other classmates...


With my favorite Prof Brahim whom i believe holds one of the best minds in maths...


With the chancellor.. noticed that i dun have many guy frenz in sch.. ya all my close frenz are ladies...

ok.. to blog about my batam trip.. actually this is only my 2nd time going travelling with my frenz.. the first time is with my army guards frenz and we went to bintan. this time is wif 2 of my best frenz from sec sch Gary and Berd. i think i really deserve this trip.. i've been working hard for the past year and this trip is just great to de-stress myself.. ok i will let the pics do the talking...

Its been a while since i blog as i was busy with work.. nowadays, my knock off time is about 8pm average everyday.. its very unhealthy i know but what can i do... haiz. i will try my best as much as possible to achieve work life balance but all these is easier said than done.. but i will still try.. so i will recap here some of the memories that i have last fri.. after finish my company whereby my boss made me the Chief Event Planner again, i drag my tired body to meet up with the gers from my uni class.. despite spending 2 years in uni, i have more gal frenz than guy frenz.. quite unbelievable actually... anyway back to meeting the gers...


we meet to collect our grad gown first at a ulu studio in lavendar.. almost couldnt find the place if i never looked into the road map in the 1st place.. haha.. after collecting gown, rush off to boat quay to have dinner.. decided on having Italian food.. dun ask me why cos i got this review from Hungrygowhere.com which says its good.. to be honest, i think the food so-so la, except ambience is good..Its called Ricciotti.. sounds high class right.. anyway heres the place




The layout is kind of classy, but i must say the price is a bit steep la...



From (top-left clockwise) Joanne, Clara jie jie, Me, Cynthia, Pearlyn and Elaine

I think Clara's camera is quite good.. we look fab in this photo.. cant wait to see you gers again this sat during grad ceremony..hehe

after dinner, me and clara head off to JabOne fo 2nd round meeting Ziying and the gang.. not very familiar with them la but as i was invited, must be there to show some face rite.. lolz.. really a turning into a tired nite liao cos next day still have to go Batam with the gang and i haven packed..

NEXT Post: Batam Trip

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

recently heard this on a commercial that the tv is broadcasting.. i must say the advertisement is really creative and in the end promotes the values of family..but it is this little phrase that captures my attention.. 'little imperfections that makes life perfect..' i mean.. really? is it true?? i'm a perfectionist and i'm proud of it.. but one fren recently told me that being perfect is a kind of imperfection.. .I'm so confused.. all along i have been pursuing perfection in my life and then the truth hit me hard.. in life, nothing is perfect.. whether you are rich or poor, handsome or ugly, thin or fat.. watever.. nothing is perfect.. so why am i still trying so hard everyday to reach perfection... i wonder.......

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

ok. time flies.. its april now and it would be just 3 mths later for my 1 year stay in this co.. its scary that time passes by so quickly that u didnt even notice it..

anyway next week is one hell of a hectic week for me.. i'll be organising the company event next fri.. after that i need t o collect my graduation gown, go eat dinner with my frenz, after that have to meet another group of frenz to go party.. next morning (sat) i have to rush to harborfront to board ferry to go batam for relaz session.. packed... i like my days packed.. haha..

and after this coming week, my graduation ceremony will happen.. FINALLY! going to get my degree after 2 years of no life study.. lolz.. ok more on that later..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

thought i have recovered well from my wounds.. occassionally the memories will flow back and i will smile silly at myself.. alot of 'what ifs' begin to form in my brain..

what if i am courageous enuff.
what if you are willing to try it out for me..
what if we dun care abt matters and just embrace one another..
what if.. what if...

i know this post sounds silly but to me, life is all about what ifs... therefore i tell myself that i will not let what ifs stop me now from doing anything i want.. after all, life is short and we should not let ourselves down.. u never try, u never know.. what if...

Richieously Yours,
Richard

feel that i must really write this post so to disperse and say out loud all the feelings that I've hidden so well from work.. in front of my work and my superiors, i am superman and i can accomplish anything.. i am capable and trustworthy.. thats why I've been entrusted many tasks because my superiors know that if i'm the one doing it, i will succeed..

perhaps this is the high expectations i set out for myself that I am the downfall of myself.. i always aim for higher challenges but in the end i found that i'm actually challenging myself.. which is why i feel so frustrated if i cannot accomplish the task i want.. i have nurtured the bad character of not allowing myself to fail, even at the expense of my health.. i realise when i look at the mirror these days, my face expression is hollow that sometimes it scares me..

is the workload dragging me down? I told myself that I will never give up and allow myself to be dragged down like titanic.. no way its going to happen and i do all i can to preserve that... war happens again at dawn and i will brace myself for it.. but i will remind myself to take a breather and tell myself once again, i'm human after all, and not a machine..

recently i noticed that my anger burstouts is getting out of control.. i used to be like that 2 years ago.. whereby i couldnt control myself from bursting out.. and then i tone down, cool down.. until one of my very old frenz say the flame in me has died.. i dunno what changed me last time, perhaps i tell myself that i'm getting older and so i must control myself before i act...

unfortunately, i realise that the anger is slowly creeping back into me these days.. i dunno wat happen and i can become frustrated, impatient, angry easily and i would just burst out.. many times i know what i'm saying or feeling is rite but its the way i put it.. i will be very direct and i dun care abt other ppl's feelings.. in other words, i just shoot...

the old me is creeping back.. i dunno what is the catalyst but its back.. i cant seem to control it.. i need to breathe deep now.. tell myself to calm down..

yday i just told off a colleague of mine.. and the thing is, i dun feel any remorse... wtf.. i think she totally deserves to be told off... someone must tell her in her thick mind that whatever she has been thinking its right to do has to stop now..

okok.. i dun want to be the bad guy.. i will keep my anger in control.... for now..

oh no.. i'm one year wiser, not older.. i keep telling myself this.. ok i'm not scared of getting old actually.. cos it only mean i'm one step closer to realise my bigger dreams.. lolz.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

the title reads: "ok its been a while.." meaning its been a while since my last post... recently there is nothing special for me to talk about.. except that i feel the old me in my last job is coming back slowly.. which is a good sign because last time life was more colorful... haha..

ok there are a couple of movies i want to catch up..
1. Marley and Me. (ya i know this is cheesy but i like romantic films)
2. Suspect X (heard this is good)
3. Watchman (they took quite sometime to produce this movie.. it better be good)

a couple of things i want to buy:
1. A camera (my last free gift camera is not working!)
2. A bluetooth for my motorola Q9h (i just bought one at the IT Show)
3. A rolex watch (yupz.. i'm a sucker for rolex, i was thinking omega also not bad)
4. A pair of leather shoes (hugo boss will be nice.. but its going to burn a hole)
5. nice rims for my car
6. body kit for my car

ok let's do this one step at a time.. take it slow....

u received my sms.. u reply the very first instant, which has not happen for so long. i guess you are feeling happy and surprised to receive my sms.. maybe u are longing for it.. i dunno.. u say its nice i remember.. i dunno wat does it mean.. i dun want to read too much into it.. i dun want to guess anymore..

reality hit me.. its coming to 3 months already and u are still in my mind.. i shld let go.. deal with it and get on with life like a man.. i shld go out to meet more ppl.. no point harping on the past.. my rainbow days would come soon.. i guess..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~ No Promises, baby now i need to hold u tight, i just want to die in your arms, here tonite..~

its 25 minutes to go before your birthday according to the time on my com.. i've been counting down.. even switch on my computer to type this entry even though my eyelids are heavy and my body is crying out to rest.. but i fight the urge.. my spirit is always stronger than my body.. and I've finished typing the sms in my phone.. just waiting to send out when the clock strikes 12.. am i pathetic.. i dunno.. i only know anyone would be happy to receive well wishes greetings on their birthday and u are no exception... so to make u slightly happy (i hope), i will do it..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~ the only sacrifice in a relationship is a promise~

i have to face this.. i've been lying to myself for so long.. no matter wat happens, i know i would never forget u.. u are always the one for me. let fate work its cause i guess..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i feel that i have to say this out else keeping in my heart will make me even more pissed.. I'm the type who will say what i have to say.. but as i grow older, i realise that this is not necessarily the best way as it will hurt ppl and in the end loathe me.. so why go thru the trouble.. but still i must have a place to say it out and blogging seems the least harmful way....

back to my current team.. there are really some 'colorful' characters in my team... all of them having their good and bad points.. i'm not saying whether my opinion of them is entirely correct but each to his own opinions and there isn't a right or wrong ans..

Mr R: the most senior in my team after my boss. the older colleagues have already warned me about his eccentric character and behavior.. at first i dun believe all these bcos i shld not pass my judgement just based on one sided view.. but only now then i realise this is oh so true..
-1st, he is scared to take responsibility.. a classic example is wat happen tday.. a Division Manger came and asked me who will be the 'head' when our boss is away on biz trip. I naturally reply Mr R as he is the most obvious choice given his senority and rank.. guess what is his comment.. "Richard ah.. you arrow me ar.. think you need to ask Jo**** to issue a letter to make me a head".. i mean what nonsense is this man? such a childish remark and he dare to say it out....i'm so disappointed with his remark.. cant he once be like a man and take up some real responsibility.. he is not here just to do the job but also take up 'some' responsibility like a man.. if such simple acts cannot be entrusted to him, i might as well get a office boy to do it rite.. it might sound harsh but my character is i cannot tolerate incompetent ppl among me.. yes you can be incompetent but if i can see the effort in u trying, at least thats not too bad.. but he is not even trying... dammn.......
-2nd, this is not the first time he is trying to siam.. many times when i make a decision bcos i think its trivial and i do not need to trouble boss, he would always say, ask boss first.. i'm like.. wat the f***.. if you are in a MNC US company, i dun think u can survive very long.. this is the effect of taking things easy and unwillingness to change.. you become stale.... I've being proven correct many times because boss trust me in making decisions and so there is basis to my judgement...

Miss C: Well initially, i click the most with miss c cos i find her friendly and helpful.. but as time pass by, i realise she is those emo type.. entirely unprofessional at all.. i mean what can i say.. in our line, u need to handle things objectively.. the number one enemy is to let your emotions run u and she is such a person.. i mean sometimes when i see the way she do things, i just cant help it but shake my head.. perhaps like wat i mentioned about Mr R, she has been stuck doing the same things for so long and that makes one short-sighted. she being the most disappointed of the lot bcos initally i have high hopes about her.. that could make my team strong.. seems like i was so wrong.. it also proves something right.. my first impression about someone is 99% wrong most of the time.. haiz..

Miss I: well well... i've given her a nickname.. she is Miss Mo..means she take things easy.. too easy in fact.. she is slow in reverting, slow in doing things, slow in coming to work, she is SLOW in everything.. I got suan her b4 one time and she didnt even get the hint.. she even dare say she wants to take things easy.. i nearly explode.. i mean your age is not really far from me.. can you have some drive.. seeing you work is worse than seeing an old man trying to ride a tricycle.. watever that means.. furthermore, she is unprofessional i feel.. no qualities of a HR professional..

Miss L: so far, she is the best performer among the team.. not bcos she is doing an exceptional good job but bcos she is finishing her duties. not much.. not less.. the effort just rite.. i dun blame her actually bcos she is a motherly figure and at this stage of her career, she just wants a simple life and i dun expect her to run with me.. therefore, i think the effort is just right..... see, i just want simple things, to perform your role right.. i dun think that is too much to ask for rite..

Me, myself is not perfect i know.. and who am i to criticise ppl. I'm not even god myself but this is just my sincere opinion.. i know that this team cannot run with me and i dun harbor too high hopes about them either.. but i just want all of them to perform their current roles in the most professional way. i dun think this is too much to ask for rite... God pls help, i dun want to be too critical but i just cant help it... i need a better team with able man to aid me.. i do not necessarily need to be the leader but at least dun let me have the feeling that i'm the only one here trying hard to be an inspiration to others.........its really miserable to work with ppl who doesnt share my passion...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

went out with Erin-sis for lunch today.. she say i look good in specs oso.. do i?? hmm.. maybe i shall try wearing specs now... for a change.. look more decent u know..lolz.

looking forward to my seminar on monday at changi biz district.. its been a while since i'm back to UPS.. i know nothing change but the feeling is not there already.. not the same anymore i guess.. the people, the building.. something is missing.. anyway, meeting jie jie for lunch and will pick her up.... Will I see her? or Will she see me? I wonder how would she feel if she saw me with another girl.. she doesnt really know bel is my jie jie.. will she react? I guess she wont.. she is too cold to feel anything......

specs or no specs lei?

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~I wanted U~

next year.. i swear that it wont happen again.. not anymore.. god pls dun let it happen.. i promise i'll be good already... wat more must i do.. just let me know....

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~ I hope U Dance..~

a breather from work which i think i duly deserves.. i've been working hard and being on course sort of distracts me away from work.. my mind has been occupied with work recently till i think i become some workaholic.. and i must admit i am getting 'old' as i feel tired 'faster' these days.. as in my stamina level has dropped.. i guess i just need to tell myself to stop pushing me too hard... my body needs a break! anyway.. here some random photos...

The Jets
You Got It All

I, I was a game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light you came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the coulds disappear
Put all your fear to rest, Who do I love the best?

Don't you know, don't you know?
You've got it all over himYou got me over him
Honey it' true, there's just you
You must have been heaven sent,
Hearing me call you when out on a limb
And you're all that he's not,
Just look what I got
'Cause you got it all over him

No, don't let him worry you so
Once I met you I let go
Oh, you can surely see you're so much more to me
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best?

Don't you know, don't you know?
You've got it all over himYou got me over him
Honey it' true, there's just you
You must have been heaven sent,
Hearing me call you when out on a limb
And you're all that he's not,
Just look what I got
'Cause you got it all (you've got it all) all over him (you've got it all over him, you got me over him)
Honey it's true, there's just you
You must have been heaven sent,
Hearing me calling you out on a limb

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

time flies.. its 3 full years since i work and then i realise that i've not had a good rest.. when i say good rest, it means i go abroad for holiday.. just laze there and do nothing.. yes i've not done that for 3 long years and i am surprised at my endurance.. finally, there is one trip coming up which i'm planning with my buddies.... we could be going to guangzhou in April and this time, i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. i really hope that this time, i can go... really....

btw, to the ppl living in shichuan, happy niu year to you guys.. i know its a bad year for all of you after that devasting earthquake and i hope you guys can get over it and live on bravely. hope to visit that place one day too as i heard abt the beautiful scenery.. Carez..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Niu year has finally arrived.. somehow i dun think it does affect me too much.. i also cant understand y some ppl want to celebrate it.. i mean is it even a good year to begin with with all the turmoil in the market now? i really dunno.... to me, its just normal.

ok.. finally on the topic: am I right to do this? the person who broke me msged me and emailed me greetings of new year.. usually, i would take the very first moment to reply.. but somehow, at this very moment, i stopped myself. i noticed she emailed me first.. i didnt reply as i wasnt checking my mails till today.. then she smsed me yday.. still i didnt reply.. do i sound petty? i hope not.. as her last words to me cut thru my heart just like a knife, i choose not to reply her. not bcos i'm petty or wat. i just dun want to start all this over again... till this very moment i can still control myself very well.. i dun want to spoil the momentum.. she can think watever she want of me.. petty guy, xiao qi..watever.. let her have all these negative thoughts.. i simply do not care anymore.. at least i choose not to care...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Broken Strings.. ~

its been a while since my last post.. getting abit lazy bcos work has been popping up here and there and like what my boss always like to say, it is a good problem because we still worry abt work while the market is in so deep shit that many ppl are without a job.... so i shldnt complain too much... anyway i love my job so if i slog, i would still be happy...

now more on the topic i would like to comment.. i just saw a documentary this morning on news.. its about ppl leaving their homeland and settle down in a totally different country.. and when i say settle down, it means finding a job there, start a family and have kids.. wow I would say i really take my hat off these ppl.. i mean they really have this courage.. and I notice that they are mostly ang mos.. i guess this is the way they are being brought up, independent.. unlike asians, it would be if not impossible for us to make this kind of decision.. i mean would you really want to give up everything you have here and move over to another country with your loved one?? i mean can you forsake your family, your frenz and everything you are familar with in the first place... i might not have this courage.. at least I'm not ready yet....

Richieously Yours...
Richard

~Who's that girl..

Y2008 is really sucky for me.. i cant wait for it to pass quickly enough.. Y2009 is here. Usually one would set resolutions, targets of what they want to achieve..for me.. i only made one resolution.. of which i wont say it here but i really hope i can achieve.. lets keep my fingers crossed... anyway, Jan 09 sucks for me... i hope by Feb i would be fully healed... perhaps there will always be a scar.. but i hope it would be less painful for me.. hopefully. God plz help.......

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~My Heart is always searching for U~

you are so cruel.. really....... u left me alone.. in the dark.. breaking my heart with no hesitation, no remorse...just like tat.. so simple.. u squeeze the life out of it.. leaving me breathless.. alone, dark.. alone... now i'm only left with nothing... nothing.. not even memories... how can u be wat u be.. without even considering what i did for u.. have u ever appreciated me? i doubt so.. really doubt so........................

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

"Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late."

wow. i must say i was blown away.. i'm the most blessed guy at the moment.. i mean, the ger i secretly admire actually asked me for dinner.. we went to an Italian restaurant and the atmosphere is really really good.. i really treasure the chance to have dinner with her.. its like a good start to year 2009! it just give me the energy to carry on...

i ask my 'advisor' opinion and she said since the ger has initiate, i must act like a man and take the lead.. i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I did not catch the signal wrong.. ok time for me to plan the perfect date.. hopefully she will accept.. I'm praying.. praying real hard... God help~

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Revisiting Marina Barrage.. My plan.. maybe..~

yes. i'm back to the circle once again. meaning i'm getting stuck back to the relationship which i try so hard to forget.. but i finally subcumm to it. initially i never thought about it much. but i can now be certain.. it wuld be really really hard if you ask me to live without you.. so for once.. can i ask you not to be selfish.. and think for me once. just this once allow me and give in to me. To be back with me again?

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Flightless Bird, American Mouth~

i feel like watching movies is a good way to pass time.. and one can learn so much from watching movies.. at least thats how i feel.. i just finished watching Yes Man, which is a light comedy by Jim Carrey.. the message behind this movie is very simple.. By saying YES, you might lead yourself to windows of opportunities.. its true in a certain sense.. maybe i shld practise saying YES more.. but in a controlled manner i guess..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Nothing ever lasts forever..