recently i noticed that my anger burstouts is getting out of control.. i used to be like that 2 years ago.. whereby i couldnt control myself from bursting out.. and then i tone down, cool down.. until one of my very old frenz say the flame in me has died.. i dunno what changed me last time, perhaps i tell myself that i'm getting older and so i must control myself before i act...

unfortunately, i realise that the anger is slowly creeping back into me these days.. i dunno wat happen and i can become frustrated, impatient, angry easily and i would just burst out.. many times i know what i'm saying or feeling is rite but its the way i put it.. i will be very direct and i dun care abt other ppl's feelings.. in other words, i just shoot...

the old me is creeping back.. i dunno what is the catalyst but its back.. i cant seem to control it.. i need to breathe deep now.. tell myself to calm down..

yday i just told off a colleague of mine.. and the thing is, i dun feel any remorse... wtf.. i think she totally deserves to be told off... someone must tell her in her thick mind that whatever she has been thinking its right to do has to stop now..

okok.. i dun want to be the bad guy.. i will keep my anger in control.... for now..

oh no.. i'm one year wiser, not older.. i keep telling myself this.. ok i'm not scared of getting old actually.. cos it only mean i'm one step closer to realise my bigger dreams.. lolz.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

the title reads: "ok its been a while.." meaning its been a while since my last post... recently there is nothing special for me to talk about.. except that i feel the old me in my last job is coming back slowly.. which is a good sign because last time life was more colorful... haha..

ok there are a couple of movies i want to catch up..
1. Marley and Me. (ya i know this is cheesy but i like romantic films)
2. Suspect X (heard this is good)
3. Watchman (they took quite sometime to produce this movie.. it better be good)

a couple of things i want to buy:
1. A camera (my last free gift camera is not working!)
2. A bluetooth for my motorola Q9h (i just bought one at the IT Show)
3. A rolex watch (yupz.. i'm a sucker for rolex, i was thinking omega also not bad)
4. A pair of leather shoes (hugo boss will be nice.. but its going to burn a hole)
5. nice rims for my car
6. body kit for my car

ok let's do this one step at a time.. take it slow....

u received my sms.. u reply the very first instant, which has not happen for so long. i guess you are feeling happy and surprised to receive my sms.. maybe u are longing for it.. i dunno.. u say its nice i remember.. i dunno wat does it mean.. i dun want to read too much into it.. i dun want to guess anymore..

reality hit me.. its coming to 3 months already and u are still in my mind.. i shld let go.. deal with it and get on with life like a man.. i shld go out to meet more ppl.. no point harping on the past.. my rainbow days would come soon.. i guess..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~ No Promises, baby now i need to hold u tight, i just want to die in your arms, here tonite..~

its 25 minutes to go before your birthday according to the time on my com.. i've been counting down.. even switch on my computer to type this entry even though my eyelids are heavy and my body is crying out to rest.. but i fight the urge.. my spirit is always stronger than my body.. and I've finished typing the sms in my phone.. just waiting to send out when the clock strikes 12.. am i pathetic.. i dunno.. i only know anyone would be happy to receive well wishes greetings on their birthday and u are no exception... so to make u slightly happy (i hope), i will do it..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~ the only sacrifice in a relationship is a promise~

i have to face this.. i've been lying to myself for so long.. no matter wat happens, i know i would never forget u.. u are always the one for me. let fate work its cause i guess..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i feel that i have to say this out else keeping in my heart will make me even more pissed.. I'm the type who will say what i have to say.. but as i grow older, i realise that this is not necessarily the best way as it will hurt ppl and in the end loathe me.. so why go thru the trouble.. but still i must have a place to say it out and blogging seems the least harmful way....

back to my current team.. there are really some 'colorful' characters in my team... all of them having their good and bad points.. i'm not saying whether my opinion of them is entirely correct but each to his own opinions and there isn't a right or wrong ans..

Mr R: the most senior in my team after my boss. the older colleagues have already warned me about his eccentric character and behavior.. at first i dun believe all these bcos i shld not pass my judgement just based on one sided view.. but only now then i realise this is oh so true..
-1st, he is scared to take responsibility.. a classic example is wat happen tday.. a Division Manger came and asked me who will be the 'head' when our boss is away on biz trip. I naturally reply Mr R as he is the most obvious choice given his senority and rank.. guess what is his comment.. "Richard ah.. you arrow me ar.. think you need to ask Jo**** to issue a letter to make me a head".. i mean what nonsense is this man? such a childish remark and he dare to say it out....i'm so disappointed with his remark.. cant he once be like a man and take up some real responsibility.. he is not here just to do the job but also take up 'some' responsibility like a man.. if such simple acts cannot be entrusted to him, i might as well get a office boy to do it rite.. it might sound harsh but my character is i cannot tolerate incompetent ppl among me.. yes you can be incompetent but if i can see the effort in u trying, at least thats not too bad.. but he is not even trying... dammn.......
-2nd, this is not the first time he is trying to siam.. many times when i make a decision bcos i think its trivial and i do not need to trouble boss, he would always say, ask boss first.. i'm like.. wat the f***.. if you are in a MNC US company, i dun think u can survive very long.. this is the effect of taking things easy and unwillingness to change.. you become stale.... I've being proven correct many times because boss trust me in making decisions and so there is basis to my judgement...

Miss C: Well initially, i click the most with miss c cos i find her friendly and helpful.. but as time pass by, i realise she is those emo type.. entirely unprofessional at all.. i mean what can i say.. in our line, u need to handle things objectively.. the number one enemy is to let your emotions run u and she is such a person.. i mean sometimes when i see the way she do things, i just cant help it but shake my head.. perhaps like wat i mentioned about Mr R, she has been stuck doing the same things for so long and that makes one short-sighted. she being the most disappointed of the lot bcos initally i have high hopes about her.. that could make my team strong.. seems like i was so wrong.. it also proves something right.. my first impression about someone is 99% wrong most of the time.. haiz..

Miss I: well well... i've given her a nickname.. she is Miss Mo..means she take things easy.. too easy in fact.. she is slow in reverting, slow in doing things, slow in coming to work, she is SLOW in everything.. I got suan her b4 one time and she didnt even get the hint.. she even dare say she wants to take things easy.. i nearly explode.. i mean your age is not really far from me.. can you have some drive.. seeing you work is worse than seeing an old man trying to ride a tricycle.. watever that means.. furthermore, she is unprofessional i feel.. no qualities of a HR professional..

Miss L: so far, she is the best performer among the team.. not bcos she is doing an exceptional good job but bcos she is finishing her duties. not much.. not less.. the effort just rite.. i dun blame her actually bcos she is a motherly figure and at this stage of her career, she just wants a simple life and i dun expect her to run with me.. therefore, i think the effort is just right..... see, i just want simple things, to perform your role right.. i dun think that is too much to ask for rite..

Me, myself is not perfect i know.. and who am i to criticise ppl. I'm not even god myself but this is just my sincere opinion.. i know that this team cannot run with me and i dun harbor too high hopes about them either.. but i just want all of them to perform their current roles in the most professional way. i dun think this is too much to ask for rite... God pls help, i dun want to be too critical but i just cant help it... i need a better team with able man to aid me.. i do not necessarily need to be the leader but at least dun let me have the feeling that i'm the only one here trying hard to be an inspiration to others.........its really miserable to work with ppl who doesnt share my passion...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

went out with Erin-sis for lunch today.. she say i look good in specs oso.. do i?? hmm.. maybe i shall try wearing specs now... for a change.. look more decent u know..lolz.

looking forward to my seminar on monday at changi biz district.. its been a while since i'm back to UPS.. i know nothing change but the feeling is not there already.. not the same anymore i guess.. the people, the building.. something is missing.. anyway, meeting jie jie for lunch and will pick her up.... Will I see her? or Will she see me? I wonder how would she feel if she saw me with another girl.. she doesnt really know bel is my jie jie.. will she react? I guess she wont.. she is too cold to feel anything......

specs or no specs lei?

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~I wanted U~

next year.. i swear that it wont happen again.. not anymore.. god pls dun let it happen.. i promise i'll be good already... wat more must i do.. just let me know....

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~ I hope U Dance..~

a breather from work which i think i duly deserves.. i've been working hard and being on course sort of distracts me away from work.. my mind has been occupied with work recently till i think i become some workaholic.. and i must admit i am getting 'old' as i feel tired 'faster' these days.. as in my stamina level has dropped.. i guess i just need to tell myself to stop pushing me too hard... my body needs a break! anyway.. here some random photos...

The Jets
You Got It All

I, I was a game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light you came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the coulds disappear
Put all your fear to rest, Who do I love the best?

Don't you know, don't you know?
You've got it all over himYou got me over him
Honey it' true, there's just you
You must have been heaven sent,
Hearing me call you when out on a limb
And you're all that he's not,
Just look what I got
'Cause you got it all over him

No, don't let him worry you so
Once I met you I let go
Oh, you can surely see you're so much more to me
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best?

Don't you know, don't you know?
You've got it all over himYou got me over him
Honey it' true, there's just you
You must have been heaven sent,
Hearing me call you when out on a limb
And you're all that he's not,
Just look what I got
'Cause you got it all (you've got it all) all over him (you've got it all over him, you got me over him)
Honey it's true, there's just you
You must have been heaven sent,
Hearing me calling you out on a limb

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

time flies.. its 3 full years since i work and then i realise that i've not had a good rest.. when i say good rest, it means i go abroad for holiday.. just laze there and do nothing.. yes i've not done that for 3 long years and i am surprised at my endurance.. finally, there is one trip coming up which i'm planning with my buddies.... we could be going to guangzhou in April and this time, i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. i really hope that this time, i can go... really....

btw, to the ppl living in shichuan, happy niu year to you guys.. i know its a bad year for all of you after that devasting earthquake and i hope you guys can get over it and live on bravely. hope to visit that place one day too as i heard abt the beautiful scenery.. Carez..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Niu year has finally arrived.. somehow i dun think it does affect me too much.. i also cant understand y some ppl want to celebrate it.. i mean is it even a good year to begin with with all the turmoil in the market now? i really dunno.... to me, its just normal.

ok.. finally on the topic: am I right to do this? the person who broke me msged me and emailed me greetings of new year.. usually, i would take the very first moment to reply.. but somehow, at this very moment, i stopped myself. i noticed she emailed me first.. i didnt reply as i wasnt checking my mails till today.. then she smsed me yday.. still i didnt reply.. do i sound petty? i hope not.. as her last words to me cut thru my heart just like a knife, i choose not to reply her. not bcos i'm petty or wat. i just dun want to start all this over again... till this very moment i can still control myself very well.. i dun want to spoil the momentum.. she can think watever she want of me.. petty guy, xiao qi..watever.. let her have all these negative thoughts.. i simply do not care anymore.. at least i choose not to care...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Broken Strings.. ~

its been a while since my last post.. getting abit lazy bcos work has been popping up here and there and like what my boss always like to say, it is a good problem because we still worry abt work while the market is in so deep shit that many ppl are without a job.... so i shldnt complain too much... anyway i love my job so if i slog, i would still be happy...

now more on the topic i would like to comment.. i just saw a documentary this morning on news.. its about ppl leaving their homeland and settle down in a totally different country.. and when i say settle down, it means finding a job there, start a family and have kids.. wow I would say i really take my hat off these ppl.. i mean they really have this courage.. and I notice that they are mostly ang mos.. i guess this is the way they are being brought up, independent.. unlike asians, it would be if not impossible for us to make this kind of decision.. i mean would you really want to give up everything you have here and move over to another country with your loved one?? i mean can you forsake your family, your frenz and everything you are familar with in the first place... i might not have this courage.. at least I'm not ready yet....

Richieously Yours...
Richard

~Who's that girl..

Y2008 is really sucky for me.. i cant wait for it to pass quickly enough.. Y2009 is here. Usually one would set resolutions, targets of what they want to achieve..for me.. i only made one resolution.. of which i wont say it here but i really hope i can achieve.. lets keep my fingers crossed... anyway, Jan 09 sucks for me... i hope by Feb i would be fully healed... perhaps there will always be a scar.. but i hope it would be less painful for me.. hopefully. God plz help.......

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~My Heart is always searching for U~

you are so cruel.. really....... u left me alone.. in the dark.. breaking my heart with no hesitation, no remorse...just like tat.. so simple.. u squeeze the life out of it.. leaving me breathless.. alone, dark.. alone... now i'm only left with nothing... nothing.. not even memories... how can u be wat u be.. without even considering what i did for u.. have u ever appreciated me? i doubt so.. really doubt so........................

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

"Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late."

wow. i must say i was blown away.. i'm the most blessed guy at the moment.. i mean, the ger i secretly admire actually asked me for dinner.. we went to an Italian restaurant and the atmosphere is really really good.. i really treasure the chance to have dinner with her.. its like a good start to year 2009! it just give me the energy to carry on...

i ask my 'advisor' opinion and she said since the ger has initiate, i must act like a man and take the lead.. i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I did not catch the signal wrong.. ok time for me to plan the perfect date.. hopefully she will accept.. I'm praying.. praying real hard... God help~

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Revisiting Marina Barrage.. My plan.. maybe..~

yes. i'm back to the circle once again. meaning i'm getting stuck back to the relationship which i try so hard to forget.. but i finally subcumm to it. initially i never thought about it much. but i can now be certain.. it wuld be really really hard if you ask me to live without you.. so for once.. can i ask you not to be selfish.. and think for me once. just this once allow me and give in to me. To be back with me again?

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Flightless Bird, American Mouth~

i feel like watching movies is a good way to pass time.. and one can learn so much from watching movies.. at least thats how i feel.. i just finished watching Yes Man, which is a light comedy by Jim Carrey.. the message behind this movie is very simple.. By saying YES, you might lead yourself to windows of opportunities.. its true in a certain sense.. maybe i shld practise saying YES more.. but in a controlled manner i guess..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

~Nothing ever lasts forever..

i tot this was a teen flick initially and not wanting to watch it.. but seeing that it has gane quite a bit of positive reviews and no other good shows screening, so watch it with my jie jie. it feels kinda of wierd initially because this is really like the first date with my godsis.. i mean i went out with her before but usually there would be others.. this time, its more like a date.. anyway, i think we both enjoyed the movie. i tot the movie was beautifully shot, artistic in a kind of way.. glad i appreciate it that way.. anyway both me and godsis enjoyed the ending song whereby edward and bella danced to the slow tune... so nice!

finally got the name of the song too.. Flightless Bird, American Mouth. still couldnt decipher such a name and the lyrics totally got me lost.. but who cares.. its a beautiful song anyway.. promised to find it for jie jie.. will do that..

ok..more personal things here. i think godsis thinks i'm courting her. lol. i think she hinted no less than 3 times why I asked her out.. do gers really think that when a guy ask u out, thats because he is interested in you? actually, i jus enjoyed the company and nothing else. she is my Godsis.. well i clarify that to her when i send her home.. i hope she got my meaning.. she will be my lovable jie jie and hopefully, it stays this way.. Friends are forever but lovers might not last.. thats how i feel..