When sis told me the news today, my heart felt a tinge of pain. I thought I have let go. But all along its me deceiving myself. I still have feelings for you. No matter how much I try to hide and put up a strong front. I hate this part of myself because whenever I do that, I become cold and stone face. People think I'm dao but on the contrary, I'm just wrapping myself up. So when I heard u got bullied and I'm helpless to do anything despite knowing I can do something, the feeling is torture. But I know you are a strong gal. You can face up the challenge no matter what and so don't let those ugly ppl defeat you. Whether you know or not, I'll be watching you from behind and if I know anyone who dares to even think about backstabbing you, rest assured that I would sure as hell show my most ugly side. The side I've concealed for a long time. The side only those closest to me know.......

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

recently.. I've become more moody.. I'm not sure why. I'm not laughing as much. even though I am laughing.. usually its just to hide my true self.. perhaps I'm not too happy with what I'm doing or having in life right now.. I know i know.. one must be contended to enjoy true happiness.. I'm asking a lot out of myself.. Luckily, I found myself having one indulgence that seems to perk up my mood no matter what lemons being thrown at me.. and that is ICE-CREAM! Its surprising that something cold and sweet is able to brighten my moody life instantly.. Thank god that someone ever thought of inventing this heavenly dessert....

Richieously Yours
Richard.

i've experienced many setbacks in life.. none too "life-threatening".. yes some disappointing ones but nothing as compared to the most current I've suffered under.. I've always deemed myself to be of excellence but this setback had brought me to my knees and brought me crashing down to earth once again... I really need to re-learn how to pick myself up and clean off the dust and start again. I wont be beaten.. I will always try again.. but i would take a break down I guess, to recuperate and set a few things right..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

life isn't so complicated afterall.. its not about driving flashy sports car, wearing the brightest blingz, living in the tallest building, having a vault with wades of bills.. sometimes it can just be as simple as having a simple lunch and a cup of teh with your a soulmate... yes someone you can really connect.. the simplicity.. simply priceless. recently, i had lunch with a good friend.. its not for too long.. 45 mins.. that's all. there isn't a need to spend hours.. quality of conversation triumphs over quantity... and yes i enjoyed it.. looking forward to our next lunch outing and hopefully i can bring you some good news.. it would be my treat. *winkz*

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Monday.. I dread it. Today its sunday and I'm dreading it already. Minimum effort, I will keep repeating this to myself tomorrow. Yes, I finally see the light. Wondering what took me so long. Well better late than never. I feel that it is a relief for me. the shackles are removed. No longer I would put my heart and soul in it. because it is not deserving. the work is not deserving.

Richieously Yours
Richard.

today was a sad day.. one of my best frens in the company had left for greener pastures.. she is one of the few whom I can really connect.. whom can understand the way i do things and for me, i can also understand the way she do things.. seldom ppl can connect with me on the working level and tats why its a bit sad.. she is the platonic fren who i mentioned in my last post... its kinda of wierd that even though our frenship is only about 1 year old, i feel that i can tell her everything.. i'm surprised at this too.. well we promise to keep in contact with each other.. her new workplace is near to mine and so definitely can meetup for lunch.. really hope the frenship continues.. that i would be contended.

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

we are platonic friends but I just can't help to think that if i ever have a wife, she would just be someone like you. I have no other ideas except the pure friendship between us because i know its impossible.. however i just can't help but have this strong feeling.. i really think that you are the best model example i ever wanted to have as a partner and i just hope that the next person who comes along in my life would be someone like you. that would be really good... but for now, I would just treasure our frenship and hope that it will keep going..

and so its really true that when one is down in love, his other side will be up, whichever side one can refer to.. recently i just experience this and i must say how true this is.. Anyway, I would keep working hard to realise my dreams and I'm a born fighter... Moreover, a man is at his most charming when he is working hard in pursuing his dreams..... =)

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

fallen sick this weekend. can't remember exactly when last i fall sick but this got to be one of the worst case scenerios.. i feel drowsy, headache, muscle ache, stomach pain.. seems like all the little problems cranked up in my body.. its been a while since such a thing happen and I happen to be quite fit actually.. but i guess the recent late nights i put in, my body had to pay the dues sometime.. i came to realise that I had worked myself to sickness!!!

there must be a stop. a balance. like yin and yang. boy and girl. but sometimes, i'm quite bad at telling myself to stop. to give in to the body distress signals.. but no, i'm too proud to give in and i just kept pressing on.. foolish perhaps, or maybe dumb..

i realise that I've been working my ass off for 4 years 4 months, without taking consecutive more than 3 days of rest, and less than perhaps 14 days of mc.. I have been bad to myself. sometimes, i just wish that i can give it all up and just let go, carry a bag and go wandering around the world..

but life doesn't work out this way. sadly u got to pay your dues first. whether you like it anot. all my life, i know i'm the type who cant stop, who cannot stop. i have to slog. but for how long? there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.. i wish there is a sign... a sign that i can acknowledge..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

Ok its time to stop lying to myself and admit that i am poor with my personal finance issues.. just received my latest credit bill and i couldnt believe my eyes! i am so in red.. haiz. maybe its true that i must tighten my belt once more and stop the denial. ok, for that, i would still need to save a bit as my Vietnam trip is coming soon! Yeah!

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

I've just caught the latest episode of "3 dish 1 soup" and I can't get but comment that ladies who know how to cook look so attractive.. they say the way to a Man's heart is first thru' his stomach and how true that statement is.. upon seeing how the lady contestants wipe out those delicious looking dishes, i can't help but "add marks" to the report card. Too bad now the odds of finding a lady who knows how to cook a decent meal is lesser than striking toto,,, ermm.. maybe not so bad la. 4D sounds more appropriate?

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

I've always catch this show life transformers every monday on channel 8, 8pm.. this show is meaningful and made me realise i must be content with what i have.. often, we keep complaining on what we dun have but we fail to pause and reflect on what we already have, which is the most important.. the fast pace of life made us all forget about the simple things of life.. from this show, i learnt a lot.. there are countless many many others who are less fortunate than we are and yet, we almost always fail to be appreciative.... this show makes me just want to take a little step further and ponder.. all tks to channel 8 in making me realise simple is beauty..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i just realise... the 1st month of Y2010 is already ending even though i didnt really feel it has passed.. time is like a passage way, a one-way thing that i can never turn back.. but the good thing is, i never need to turn back.. these past 2 weeks made me realise something.. i need to make good of what i want.. i need to stop the rot. so heare i go.. would begin my plans tomor.. keeping my fingers crossed that it will work..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

recently, i have been unhappy about work.. its really unfair tat hardworking ppl and high achievers are not rewarded appropriately.. till now, I can still feel the unjust that is happening to me.. it makes me realise that all the efforts I've put in for the past year has gone to waste... its not worth to put in so much.. its not as easy as 1+1=2. so now i learn to take it easy... work come work go.. no point harping on it.. =) i have come to my senses..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

have u ever faced situations like you know you did not do anything wrong but somehow you dunno why ppl start to treat you coldly.. i'm facing this now.. somehow somewhere sometime something went wrong... the worst part is, i dunno wats wrong.. this is the 'best' cos its like you are being given the death sentence without a chance to explain yourself.. if there is a god somewhere, i hope you can really enlighten me..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

yday, while i was doing window shopping.. i saw an old friend.. well she looked different.. she did not see me. i still rem the days when she did not really had any frenz in the co. i would approach her and bring her out for lunch.. those days.. well she looked pretty good now.. girls really need to maintain themselves bcos somehow, they aged faster than guys.. anyway, back to her. she used to be the girl i like.. and still is.. somehow when i saw her, the feelings rekindled.. well, maybe this time it will last for another few days.. then i would forget again.. this is just me.. wat to do? haha..

ok this has been one post which I've kept putting off for a long time. I was kept busy and distracted by many things.. by the goals i set for myself.. by the many 'what ifs' in life.. some things I achieved, some things i did not.. well life ain't perfect.. I learnt a lot this year..

Lesson No. 1: Perfectionist
Yes I am a perfectionist. A 100%. However, this is also what I believe has been holding me back. In terms of career, I have learnt that you do not always get 100% of what you want even if you put in 100%. Next year, I will learn to slow down. I try to be kind to myself.

Lesson No. 2: Relationship
Yes, I achieved the goal i set for myself for Y2009. Be it a short one, yes I achieved. And I realised that I learnt and understand more about myself now. I always tot only myself understand me most. How wrong I can me. I really miscalculate on this part. Nevertheless, I now have a better idea. I am not ready yet. My priority is not this. At least for now.

Lesson No. 3: Money
Yes, I hate to admit it but I have to. I'm poor in managing $. Many times, I think I'm too obliging. I must learn to say NO. A great leader will know when and will say NO. Its hard for me but I'll try. There's nothing I can't do unless myself don't want to.

And so here I go. The 3 important lessons I learnt in Y2009. A proper closure I will say. Next year, 2010, it will be better.

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

my emotions were like a roller coaster ride.. time passes me by like it never exists for this 1 week.. perhaps i'm too caught up with so many tasks that i've forgotten time.. time is relative i guess.. ok here are some of the memorable events that happened during the week..

Cynthia's wedding
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ok that's it.. i attended her wedding.. there was a period of like 2 months whereby we spent our most happiest time together.. it was like we are inseparable.. doing things together, shopping, eating, karaok, chat.. we are like sticky glue.. for a moment, i thought there is a spark between us.. the chemistry.. i know she felt it too.. she knew it.. however just at that moment, we were too headstrong.. u denied it pretending nothing happening.. its my fault too.. i never try hard enuff.. i tot things will go my way.. how wrong i thought... i've been making so many error calls recently and somehow it wasnt me.. i wasnt like tat.. anyway, seeing her happily married, i wished she had found true happiness and i wished her sincerely nothing but the best... all that remains are the fond memories but it is enough for me..

Company event: Cross Country Run at MacRitchie Reservoir
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Recently i think i've been taking part in so many events whereby i lost count.. its squeezing out every bit of possible time from me.. i think if i switch to managing events job, i can be quite successful too.. lolz.. okay anyway this morning, i woke up at 6am to drive all the way to macRitchie.. i was the leader of the marshal team and some irresponsible people fly me plane and so instead of marshalling, i have to run 5km to jaga all the check points.. kaoz.. luckily, i still can run due to my regular training.. but i know my body is getting old.. i'm no longer the young ns boy who can recover from fatigue easily.. my knees and ankle have been giving me a lot of problems recently.. its hard to admit that I'm not young anymore.. lolz.. anyway, its kinda of fun and believe it or not, its my first time at macRitchie and I kinda like the place.. got Sharon to walk with me throughout so still not bad la.. she is tat kind of lady who craves for attention and care from a man but just too headstrong to admit this fact.. anyway, like the true gentleman i've always been, i did pampered her a bit la.. fanning her and carrying her heavy bag.. hope this makes her less complaining la.. lolz..

ok so far this week is a breeze as in time passes rapidly.. but cant everyweek like tat else i will die.. lolz..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

i felt compelled to write this post.. a lot of times, people misunderstood me.. they think that i always want to win, to be number one whereby they just want to have fun.. yes i admit.. i have an incredible will to win.. i mean really those insantiable appettide to win.. i just hate the feeling of losing.. i'm ultra competitive in whatever i do.. perhaps thats what make me different from most people.. to my notice, i realise that the people around me dun share this trait.. it seems that I'm unique and the only one who thinks this way.. when i made a comment, I have nothing personal against the individual.. i just want to win.. simple as that.. i feel let down by people who dun try hard enough like me to win.... To me, winning is the most important, nothing matters... i do realise that sometimes in order to win, you must experience losing... to me, that is crap..

i hope i am not being too hard on myself though..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

we were bbq-ing at east coast on a fri nite.. i was so worried that it would rain bcos it has been raining for a full day.. luckily it stopped in the evening.. to be honest, i was honored to be invited to the BBQ bcos i was the only non-upser.. lolz.. the guys still remember me lei.. it feels great to be belonged to the group.. these are all great ppl.. the great colleagues whom i shared 2 and a half years with.. anyway, i met up with Aru too. one of the nicest guys i met in UPS.. always giving me thoughtful advice and the fact that we are fellow man u fans makes us click even more...

the nite started quite well, with me and elston starting the fire.. actually got 2 memorable incidents happened that nite.. the first happened when me and cindy and the gang went to nearby macdonalds to wash our hands and toilet break of course.. while we are walking along the track, a dumbo skater was skating with his back.. he thinks he is a pro but obviously hes not.. anyway, when he was about to knock into cindy, as usual she is always too slow to react la...:p, i pulled her to my side.. it was like a hug like tat.. haha.. i think she got a shock.. lolz.. like those drama like tat whereby the scriptwriter would always arrange for the male lead to hold the female lead away from the accident.. well that exactly happened! she was speechless for abt 1 min before she muttered thank you.. 2 times.. hahaha.. i think she too pai sei la..

ok the 2nd incident is when theres a upser Ying Ying who actually dunno belina (i stop calling her zeh for sometime).. anyway so when Bel began to intro herself to her, bel asked whether she met her before in UPS.. Ying Ying gave a stunning reply that got the atmosphere cold.. lolz.. "oh ya, every morning, you always come with Richard de right..." it got all of us shocked including myself cos i never expected people to take notice of us.. actually most mornings when i still dun owe the car, i would call Bel to come and fetch me in the morning.. lolz.. well Bel sort of like stunned and i looked away.. ok it was awakward and luckily, someone changed topic quickly.. well this really brought back the memories.. but i know, its really a long shot that Bel and I can be together.. i guess, I'm just not her type anymore.. nevertheless, I would take things natural.. I think the more you care, the more you got to lose.. maybe acting a bit bochup sometimes will help.. i guess...

Richieously Yours,
Richard.

here i am, on leave at home, listening to the heavy rainpour outside and typing this post.. my boss spoke about Negativity. Its a big word.. Negativity spreads, it inhibits one from performing.. its like a disease and so if u ever meet someone who is always negative, avoid him/her. u would not want to be infected and affected.. i am quite an optimistic person per sae.. i trust my gut feelings alot and always work based on my instincts and believe the outcome would be positive.. i guess i am a positive person.. but recently my doubts are shaken.. as i mentioned in my earlier posts, i found that things are not really working smoothly for me.. perhaps to some people, i should be contend with my achievements so far.. but i'm a perfectionist and it kills me.. i'm a control freak and it kills me.. these are all negative thoughts and if I dont purge them out soon........ i really dont know.. answers answers answers.. in need of some now..

Richieously Yours,
Richard.